Emily Post Has Nuthin' on This

--- frank sexual discussion ---

Day 5 of my most recent assignment ......


It would be so totally hot if Sir tied me to the post in my living room. (i recently moved into a new home & it's kind of like post-and-beam construction.) It's smack in the middle of the room and has two decorative pieces at the top with holes in them... perfect for running a rope through. Sir would position me there with my back against the post and my hands restrained up above my head. And once my wrists are bound, i am completely at His mercy. Or lack thereof.

Sir surprises me with a new collar - it's black, with silver brads, and snaps into place around my neck, but His favorite feature is that it has nipple clamps attached with chains. He grasps my chin with His hand and tilts my head back, then places the collar around my throat and fastens it into place. i can feel the chill of the chain resting against my skin. He cups one breast in His hand and lowers His head, taking the nipple in His mouth. i let out a quiet moan as His tongue plays, teasing the nipple into a stiff peak.  He bites it, one sharp nip, making me arch my back and gasp, then pulls His mouth away and fastens the clamp into place. The teeth bite into my nipple and i suck in my breath with the sting. It isn't terribly painful, but it IS uncomfortable. He repeats the process with the other nipple, then stands back to admire His handiwork. 

He must be satisfied, because He steps forward again and kisses me. One hand covers both of mine, stretched up over my head, and the other plays with the chain on my collar, tweaking it so that the clamps tug my nipple. It sends twinges of pain through me, making me moan into His kiss. i think that pleases Him, actually, because He kisses me more deeply after that.  He breaks the kiss, then, and His teeth nip at the side of my neck, and then along my shoulder, which drives me wild with desire - that has always been my weakness. i can feel Sir's property growing wet from His attentions, and i squirm against the post and tug uselessly at the rope binding my wrists. i want Him to touch me, NEED for Him to touch me, and my hips rock forward, seeking Him.

But He knows that, of course, and so He delays, choosing instead to trail His fingers down my side, across my hips, up over my stomach and lightly tugging the chain again. More discomfort shoots through me, and i moan again, because it hurts, but more than the pain in my nipples in the ache between my legs. i literally feel the wetness seep to my thigh. Finally, finally, He deigns to give me what i want, what i need, what i ache for, and His fingers slide wetly across His clit and plunge deeply into His pussy. i cry out from the shock and the sheer pleasure of it, and He begins to thrust, finger fucking me, but all the while His voice is in my ear, telling me that He owns me, all of me, mind, body and soul, claiming all that i am for His own. He commands me to recite my devotion for Him, and i choke out the words, stumbling over them when Sir's fingers quest more deeply, or His thumb rubs His clit. He makes me repeat my devotion twice more, then commands me to cum. i've been on the edge for a while now, with Him holding me off, but with His permission i let go and my climax takes me, and i cry out and shake and writhe against the post, Sir's fingers still inside me, prolonging the orgasm and wringing a second one from me in quick order.

i sag against the post, panting harshly, my heart thundering in my chest, and Sir's fingers slow and then still before He pulls them from me. i whine in protest, as i always do, and Sir leans down to whisper "Good girl" in my ear. 

"Thank you, Sir," i gasp out.

He releases the clamps from my nipples, taking each abused peak into His mouth and gently suckling it to ease the pain, then unties the rope holding me to the post. My hands are numb and my shoulders ache, and He massages my arms to get the blood flowing again. i sink to my knees and wrap my arms around His knees, laying my cheek against His leg and closing my eyes. He reaches down and runs His fingers through my hair, and i smile and say, "Thank you, my Sir."  












 

   

Wash and Dry

--- frank sexual discussion ---



Following this week's theme --

It would be so hot if Sir surprised me in the shower one day. No, really. Picture it:

i'm standing there, my eyes closed, letting the water pour down over me. i'm massaging shampoo into my hair, letting it lather, my fingers sliding through my tresses. As i tilt my head back to begin rinsing, i feel another set of hands  tangling into my hair. Mmmm. Sir has joined me. i like when He does that.

i drop my hands to my sides as Sir tilts my head back under the spray of water, rinsing out all traces of the shampoo. His hands slide down the side of my head to my neck, where the touch of His fingers makes me shiver. With one hand He spans my throat, squeezing ever so slightly, while His other hand moves down over my shoulder and cups my breast. His fingers play with my nipple, teasing it to a taut peak, and i stand perfectly still while a wave of desire shudders through me.

Sir shifts me so that my back is pressing against the wall of the shower (it feels cold!), His hand still holding me in place by my throat. He nudges my feet apart with His foot, and tells me to look at Him. He locks His eyes with mine, and i feel His fingers skimming down my body, over my sides, along my hip, and finally touching His property, circling His clit, skimming over His pussy. My legs part wider as He touches me, silently asking Him to take more. When His fingers plunge inside, my eyes snap shut, and He squeezes my throat sharply to remind me to keep looking at Him. His eyes bore into mine while He plays, finger fucking me, His thumb rubbing His clit and making my knees go weak.  His fingers are hot and slick, forcing me open wider, ramming into me, and the water beats on my side and the steam rises around us. 

My hands, pressed flat against the shower wall, scrabble uselessly in an effort to grab hold, to ground me, because Sir's fingers are relentless and i can feel my climax rushing at me. It hits me, hard, almost painful in its intensity, and my cry sounds loud in the shower. My heart thunders in my chest, my breath comes in gasps, and i swear that Sir's hand on my throat is all that's keeping me upright, because my legs feel like jelly. 

When Sir releases my throat, i sink to my knees, tilting my head a little to keep the spray of water from hitting me in the face. i reach for Sir's cock, caressing it, stroking it, coaxing it to life in my hands. As it swells, i pull it into my mouth, and my hand trails up His leg from His knee, inside His thigh, and cups His balls in my palm. i massage His balls while i suckle Him, and i'm rewarded by His fingers digging into my shoulder. i close my eyes and set to work, my tongue swirling around His cock, my fingers squeezing his balls, my mouth sucking and releasing and sucking again. 

The shower beats down on my shoulder, not as hot as it has been but still warm. Sir has one arm braced against the shower wall, the other arm down with His hand on my opposite shoulder. His fingers squeeze from time to time as i suck Him. My knees are sore and my legs hurt from kneeling, my jaw aches, then locks up, and still i suck Him, gagging as He thrusts into my throat.  At last i am rewarded when Sir squeezes my shoulder hard, enough to leave bruises, and thrusts into my mouth one last time, His hot cum flowing down my throat as i swallow and swallow and swallow. i suckle Him gently as His cock softens, making sure i've not missed a single drop. Sir shuts off the shower and helps me up, because my legs want to buckle. "Thank you, Sir," i say to Him, and He smiles.









  

Lessons Learned

--- frank sexual discussion ---


You know the saying, "Dot your i's and cross your t's"? It's pretty much true. i was so eager to get today's blog posted that i neglected to include my prompt phrase... and Sir caught it. I neglected to follow my instructions, so i am writing a new blog to make up for my error.

Let's see what i can come up with .....

It would be so hot if, for just one day, Sir had a pet. Just for one day. i'm not into that, ordinarily, but i think for one day i might be able to enjoy it.

i see myself wearing His collar - not the lovely chain i currently have and wear with pride, but a leather or nylon collar. i'd follow Him through the house on my hands and knees, slightly behind him and to the side, in "heel" position. Or, if He did not want me to follow, He could command me to "stay", and there i would wait until He allowed me to move again. i would sit at His feet, perhaps with my cheek resting on His knee, and if i am lucky, He might card His fingers through my hair as i sat there. 

i imagine i would eat whatever Sir gave me from a plate on the floor, and lap water from a bowl. If invited to Sir's bedroom, i'd curl up on the floor next to the bed, or, if allowed on the bed, at the foot. Of course, Sir would command me as He likes..... whether to sit or kneel, to follow Him or to stay in place. 

Then again - it would be so totally hot if i were allowed to suck Sir's cock while He sat in a chair and i knelt before Him. Perhaps He would slouch down to the edge of the seat, or perhaps He would throw one leg over the arm of the chair. No matter, as long as i have access to Him. i want to pull His cock into my mouth, tasting the salty tang of His skin, want to cup His balls in my palm and gently squeeze them, want to suckle them, too, rolling them on my tongue. Mmmm. Perhaps, if i am lucky, Sir will pull me to my feet and turn me around, easing me back so that He can enjoy His ass as He likes. It burns as His cock enters me, pressing and stretching and forcing His ass to open to accept Him. And it hurts, damn it, it hurts.... 

But Sir is patient, if persistent, and the flesh always gives and allows Him entrance. And i imagine He would grip my hips, adjusting my position to allow Him to get as deep as possible. And then - ah, and then He would fuck me, using His property, driving His cock in deep and pulling out, over and over, and i'd grip the arms of the chair to keep my balance as i bounced on His lap. And then, hopefully, He would gift me with His cum, coating His property with His essence. And i'd clean Him off, making sure not to miss a drop. Oh, yes, that is hot, indeed.











 

And More of Our Story ...

-- frank sexual discussion --


So continuing with last night's theme - the secluded cabin with the lovely fire -

Perhaps, then, Sir might gently push me to the side so He can slide out from underneath me. i'm disappointed at the loss of contact, but then He places a hand in the center of my chest and urges me back, and down, so that i'm lying on that cushy rug. Oh, this IS a nice view, looking up at my Sir, with the light from the flames illuminating His face and chest, and everything beyond shrouded in darkness, so that i see nothing clearly but Him.

Sir tells me to close my eyes, and then He touches me, everywhere, but in no pattern that i can discern, which keeps me tense with anticipation. Sometimes i feel His fingers, sometimes His lips, sometimes His tongue, even once or twice a nip from His teeth. Those little bites make me suck in my breath and wriggle into the rug. My legs are parted, and i'm silently begging Him to claim His property, to fill His pussy with His fingers, to lave His tongue over me...... His touches are enjoyable, and i want them to continue, but at the same time, they aren't enough.

One of the logs in the fire shifts with a pop and a crack, and i'm suddenly acutely aware of how much heat the flames are giving off. i turn my face away from the fire just as Sir takes my nipple between His teeth and nips it. Ouch - and, yes, please. My back arches up, pressing my breast into His mouth, and i feel His fingers - finally!! - questing between my legs. i open them farther, giving Him access, and am rewarded by His fingers slipping inside me. Oh, yes.....    

Sir pinches a nipple between His fingers, rather painfully, actually, and i moan in discomfort and try to twist away. But when He releases me, i feel a flood of wetness between my legs and Sir's fingers are coated and slick. God, it feels good. A sheen of sweat covers my skin, as much from Sir's manipulation of my body as from the fire that burns beside us. i ride His fingers, spinning higher, and then Sir allows me to climax..... When i stop spasming, Sir pulls His fingers free and nudges me so that i roll to my hands and knees. He bends over my back and presses His cock into me, stimulating my already sensitive inner walls, and i shudder, hard, as He slides home. And then He fucks me, and it's so, so good, and i shake and shudder and climax again, Sir's pussy clenching His cock tight and welcoming His cum. i whine in disappointment when Sir pulls his cock free, but He allows me to clean it with my tongue, so that's not so bad. And i lie on that soft, plush rug, the heat of the fire on one side, the heat of Sir's skin on the other, and i am content.
 

Twice as Nice

-- frank sexual discussion --


i'm sitting in front of the fire, and i've been thinking about my task for today - writing another scenario. And i'm inspired by the flames ...

It would be hot if Sir laid me down in front of the fire. Oh, come on - who hasn't fantasized about it?? A crackling fire in a remote cabin, at night, a thick rug before the hearth (not bearskin, though, please), no other light besides the flickering of the flames. The play of light and shadow on bare skin, feeling the heat from the fire on my body competing with the heat from Sir's skin. Mmmm. 

i can imagine Sir lying back on that thick, soft rug, allowing me to suck Him. i'd run my tongue along His cock, tasting its length, pulling it into my mouth and suckling it, feeling it swelling on my tongue, filling my mouth. i'd take in as much as i could, gagging on Him but always coming back for more, sucking His cock and cupping His balls in my palm. Eventually, i think Sir would pull me off His cock by wrapping His fingers in my hair and tugging me away. i'd like to travel up His body, lapping at His skin, tasting Him all over, even daring to sneak in a couple of tiny nips along the way. He doesn't generally allow that, but as i said, i'd sneak one or two in anyway. 

i'd like to cover Him with my body as i moved up His sides, skin-to-skin touching as much of Him as possible, the crackle and pops of the fire the only sounds other than my own panting breaths and Sir's voice. i want to curl my leg around His, my knee just barely brushing against the apex of His thigh, as i stretch my upper body to reach His nipple with my mouth. i'd love to taste that nub, laving it with my tongue, suckling it, lipping it, and finally, as it grew taut, pulling it between my teeth and flicking it with the tip of my tongue. i'd prop myself up on my elbow and grasp Sir's cock with my other hand, stroking Him even as i suckled His nipple. i'd love to feel Him both on my tongue and sliding across my palm. i'd like to think that Sir would thread His fingers through my hair and pull me up for a kiss, if i'd pleased Him with my attention to His body. i would enjoy that quite a bit.

 




 

 

Variations on a Theme

--- frank sexual discussion ---


So Sir has tasked me anew..... for the next 7 days, i am to post daily on the prompt, "It would be hot if .... "     Let's see what i can come up with.

It would be totally hot if Sir bound me to the bed, tightly enough that i can move very little,  and blindfolded me. Then His sub would be at His mercy - or lack thereof. What would Sir do with His property in such a state?

Would He be in the mood to tease, or would He be inclined to be aggressive? Or, perhaps, would He incorporate facets of both? Would He ignite a flash-fire that threatened to consume me, or would He build a slow-burning flame that first warmed me, then grew to scorch me with its heat?

For example - Sir might use the blindfold to keep me off-balance, sometimes gifting me with feather-light touches that cause me to shiver and break out in goosebumps, and sometimes He might deliver a swift, stinging slap which makes me jump and squirm and protest. Preventing me from seeing where He is, or what He's doing, forces me to wait in darkness until He decides the time is right. i strain my ears for an auditory clue, trying to figure out what's happening from what i can hear. 

A quick rasping sound, followed by the acrid tang of sulphur ... Sir has struck a match. Ah, a candle!! i pull at the ropes binding my wrists in anticipation. It will be several minutes until there's enough wax pooled around the candle's flame. What to do in the meantime...? A clinking sound, kind of like marbles falling into a glass bowl..... oh, yes. Ice cubes. Sir is being generous to His sub, as He knows i like fire and ice. Ice rubbing over my body, raising goosebumps as it melts on my skin. Cold, wet ice being drawn over taut nipples, pulling them into tight peaks which ache from the cold, but it feels so good at the same time. And finally, ice being pushed into Sir's property, filling His pussy, freezing the inner walls and making my teeth chatter.

And then there's fire - well, hot wax, anyway. i suck in a breath when that first drizzle hits my skin, the sharp sting of heat scorching me. It hurts, kind of - more so on nipples and when dripped over the clit and pussy. But it feels good, too. And i love, love, love being bound while it's happening, love the blindfold, love being held on edge waiting for the next act to play out. Sir knows this, of course, and i am grateful that He allows me this indulgence.

Damn. i'm beginning to feel damp just thinking about it. And Sir still has me on restriction. Damn!





 

 

Merry Christmas

Wow, it's been a week since my last post!! In my defense, it's been a crazy, crazy week ... not only was it the lead-in for today's holiday, but i also moved this past week & was offline for a couple of days.

Best wishes to any readers out there, for a joyous and blessed holiday season - whichever holiday you choose to celebrate - and may 2013 be a year of peace and fulfillment for all.

i hope to continue on my journey of active submission, to continue to grow and discover, to learn what works for me, and to find peace in who i am and - just as importantly - in who i am not. i also need to learn how to balance all sides of me, in all my life roles. i haven't always been very good about carving out time for my own personal development; and a few times when i did, it came at a cost in another area. 

i hope that 2013 is a year of professional and personal development, a year of finding my strengths, a year of learning to be unafraid. It's still a  journey, a process, a one-step-at-a-time progression ... let's see where the months ahead will take me. 

Careful What You Wish For ....

--- frank sexual discussion ---


Yeah, OK, i admit it - when i waxed poetic about how i like to feel turned on, how i enjoy the slow simmering of unfulfilled desire, Sir took that to heart. i have not been allowed to cum for days and days, and it's starting to drive me crazy.

Oh, sure, there are plenty of times during the day when i barely even feel it; at work, for example, when i'm involved in a project, or perhaps at home supervising my son's homework. But then again, there are times when it hits me hard, when i'm suddenly so ramped up and turned on and needy that i can hardly even breathe. Now i'm not saying that i'm climbing the walls (yet!), but there are definitely times when i'm just overwhelmed by want and desire, and i'm sorely tempted to flout Sir's rules and make myself cum.

Think about it - fingers rubbing slow circles on the clit, stimulating the nerves and encouraging the blood flow til it swells and becomes so sensitive; more fingers pressing deep into Sir's pussy, slick with juices and slipping in and out, grazing the inner walls and stroking, stroking; feeling the simmer fan into flame and burning and wanting and needing, and finally cresting the edge and falling over, shaking and shuddering and spasming and enjoying the free fall and the panting and the slowing of the racing heart. Hell, YES, i want that!! 

i don't do it, of course; i recognize that part of my journey involves obedience, even when it requires self-denial. i proudly wear Sir's token, and i strive to be obedient even when i may not want to. So i wait out the burning, bite my lip and ride the wave, maybe even squirm a bit when it gets really intense. Sir has told me to wait, so i wait. But that doesn't mean it's easy, or comfortable, or that i always enjoy it. 

Gifts and Presence

-- frank discussion --


So in my last post i mentioned how i'd been feeling turned on and revved up and needy. It had become this clawing, distracting fire that was driving me crazy. Sir gifted me with the opportunity to, shall we say, move past that burning ache.

And oh, it was good..... i was so fired up that it didn't take long to climax, but at the same time, i also felt like it wasn't enough. Sir allowed me to cum 3 times, in quick succession, and i was very grateful for His generosity. And yet - and yet - i still felt like i had another one in me, another orgasm just hovering on the edge, just out of reach, just enough to keep me slightly turned on. And i admit that usually, i like that. i enjoy the feeling of simmering need, of slow desire curling through me, of being "ready to go" at any given moment.  

And that's where i've been the past couple days - simmering, knowing it's just below the surface, feeling that sweet slow ache and knowing that it is Sir's prerogative to stoke the flames, or not; to keep me on simmer, or let me burn, as He sees fit.

i will admit, i really enjoy it when He makes me burn for a bit before allowing the fire to be quenched. It is very satisfying to be sated, to be used up and wrung out and boneless from exhaustion.... but it's even better when He makes me wait for it.  :)

 

Jingle Bells and Ho, Ho, Hos

--- frank sexual discussion ---


Oh, my..... tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la..... is it odd or weird or bizarre that i'm just feeling horny? LOL.

i know it was just a week or so ago that i had time with Sir, but i am a needy lil slut, i'm afraid. Our session went well, but was far too short, in my opinion. Or maybe it isn't so much that the sessions are too short, but that i feel they are too far apart. Yes, that is closer to the truth. 

i want. i need. i ache. i long to touch and be touched, to caress and be caressed, to taste and be tasted. i yearn to be used, to be tied up and strapped down and put through my paces and be told that i've done well. i have a deep desire to be validated; yes, that's the crux of the matter - i need to be seen and acknowledged and valued. i told you i am greedy. 

But oh, there's a hunger clawing inside me, a burning want for satiation. There's nothing quite so satisfying as a good, thorough fucking, a hot hard cock filling me and pounding me and sliding so easy because i'm just so damn wet - except, perhaps, to be eaten, riding a hot probing tongue, bucking into a warm wet mouth, gripping the sheets as i cum, flooding that tongue with my juices. And i can feel a deep needy throbbing between my legs now, just thinking about it. My heart is starting to race, and my fingers want to touch myself. Oh, my.  

Waiting

--- frank discussion ---



So it's been several days since my morning with my Sir, and i'm feeling pretty good, mostly. More settled, less unsure, at any rate. i have to believe that's a good thing. Sir did say some things that made me wonder, but as nothing horrible has come to pass in the past 4 days, i'm letting go of the feeling that i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. At least, that's the plan.

Waiting for what could be bad news just wears me out.

i mentioned that Sir really, really wants us to find a third party, a female, to join us in a play session. i've also mentioned that i'm not thrilled about it.  And i've also mentioned that i have agreed to at least look into it and then see what happens. So - i sent a quick message to someone that potentially matched the criteria that Sir has outlined. And i sent a photo of myself. i'm not comfortable with it, but i did say i would try .....

So, i'm tryng. And again, i wait to see what happens.

Reaffirmation

--- frank sexual discussion ---


As i had mentioned in my last post, Sir and i had some time scheduled for this morning. i am pleased to report that the appointment was kept, and Sir and i have worked through a great many of the issues which were coming between us. 

i was nervous when He arrived. i knew i had displeased Him, and i was a bit wary of His reaction to it.  And He was not shy about telling me that he was not happy with me. Gulp. Still, i believe that i made it clear - respectfully, of course - that i was not trying to walk away or to deny His claim of ownership. And i feel that He heard me, really heard me. And i feel better about it. 

Once Sir decided that i was being sincere, He started our session. i was made to assume my positions - all four of them - and i had to recite my devotion, twice, for Him. i don't feel that i am stepping out of bounds when i say that i'm quite sure He did that purposefully, so that i would hear myself pledging my obedience and my devotion to Him. i had no problem with it, as i do mean it. And it makes me feel happy to know that Sir knows i mean it, as well.

Sir made use of His property, fingering it, fucking it, making sure that i well knew exactly whose property i am. There was a short lesson/example on the stimulating quality of pain - just a little, mind you - and this body responded wholeheartedly to it. Sir commented more than once about how sloppy-wet His pussy became as He played with it. Sir's fingers pressed and plunged and prodded and stroked and filled His pussy, while His voice filled my ears with His claims, His assertions, His rights of ownership. Sir's cock filled this mouth, pushing into my throat, gagging and choking me, but that was all right. And Sir's cock stretched and opened and filled His property, both pussy and ass, so that there was no denying exactly who owns it all. And when Sir was finished, i had the honor of cleaning off His cock with my tongue.

And then we talked. And no, i'm still not thrilled about certain things. However, i am more at ease with the direction Sir has laid out for us, and while i would like to have foreknowledge of what He has planned, i am trying to relax in His promise to keep me safe. i have agreed to work on the tasks He has set for me, and trust that His plan will not bring me harm. i have a lot of learning to do, i know. For me, it comes down to this - when Sir asked me, rather wryly, what He should do with me, i replied, "Keep me." 

 

A Change in Plans.....

---- frank discussion ---

So there's been a change in  plans..... Sir and i did not get our Friday playtime, but we are rescheduled for Monday, instead.

And i am relieved, because it's my fault that things fell through.

i have shared that Sir has been pressing me to find a female partner, and i am reluctant. Well, make that, violently opposed. i don't like it, i don't want to, i'm not anywhere near ready to accept it, and i told Sir about my objections. i cannot stress to you, my readers, how serious i am about this. the very idea makes me sick to my stomach.

As you can imagine, Sir was less than pleased with my stubborn refusal, and we had a difficult conversation. This led to Friday's cancellation. i was afraid, actually, that Sir would decide He was done with me. and i KNOW that subs, by definition, are subject to their Dom's commands. i'm not trying to reverse roles or push the boundaries or play a game with this. i seriously, seriously object.

Suffice it to say, it was very painful. i knew that Sir was highly displeased. i admitted to Him that i was afraid of His reaction. And the next day, when i informed Him as usual about completing my morning ice cube task, He asked my why i had done it. And i told Him the truth - that i am not trying to walk away, i am not looking to discontinue our arrangement; i still wear His collar, and i still want permission to keep wearing it. 

Luckily for me, Sir believes that i am sincere in my desire, and He is granting me an audience so that we can share some time together. i know He will see that i truly do wish to remain His.  

Time marches on.....

--- frank sexual discussion ---


It's been an odd few days. Things have been thrown into upheaval by the sudden death of my boss; the viewing was last night, the funeral was this morning, and i am caught feeling both numb and bemused. This weird emotional state is compounded by my current head cold/chest cold/sinus thing, which is miserable. i can't breathe, i'm awake several times a night, and i fell into such a terrible coughing fit at the burial mass today that the widow turned around to offer me a cough drop. Sigh. i excused myself to the rest room after that. 

But this, too, shall pass, like all things.

What i ought to be more concerned about is my impending mini-vacation with Sir on Friday. And i am, don't get me wrong; but i seem to be more involved with this death and my illness. i am trying to move past that and focus on Sir's plans. i have been keeping up with my ice cube task, with reciting my nightly devotion, with my weekly bead training, and i'm wearing Sir's token pretty much constantly (i do take it off to bathe, usually). i feel like i am doing what i should...... and when i slow down, take the time to focus inward, i recognize that, indeed, i am needy. i need, i want, i hunger, i yearn. Right now, actually, i can feel the desire bubbling inside me, the restless inner ache, the want and the hunger to touch and be touched, to serve and be rewarded. i have been given a list of things to have ready when Sir arrives - i am to be wearing a white tank top with white panties, have an anal plug in place, have candles burning and a bowl of ice cubes ready. And i am to come up with some kind of extra condition, as well. i'm not sure yet what to do about that, but i'll think of something. i hope.

In the meantime, i need to stop beating myself up about feeling stretched in too many directions. i'll take the rest of this evening to reminisce about my boss, to sort through my memories and feelings and savor them, then be refreshed in the morning and ready to focus more completely on Sir's needs and wants and desires and commands. i will take the time tomorrow to train my inner muscles again, per Sir's dictates. And i will consciously let go of the stress, the sadness, the strain and the guilt, and focus on how i can best get what i need, by giving Sir what He desires. Because believe me, i do need. A lot. 

Another workout

---- frank sexual discussion ----


Yesterday Sir seemed to be in an interesting mood..... He had some unusual requests for me. And i say "unusual" only because they were presented in a way that was new to me. i suppose they really aren't so unusual, after all.

Sir has arranged for a mini-escape next Friday, and we have been discussing His plans/ideas for that time together. Yesterday He told me He was frustrated, and that His cock needed His pussy, and that He wanted to fuck. Like, immediately. Well, circumstances being as they are, that was not possible at that moment. So I was told to retire to my room, take the glass dildo, and fuck His pussy with it. It didn't matter what i was doing at the time, it didn't matter if anyone else was in the house or not, i was to carry out His command.

All right. So i did that. A short time later i was instructed to go fill Sir's pussy with a string of 5 beads, and to leave them in place until i was told to remove them. Umm, OK. So i did that, as well. It took a few minutes to get all the beads in place, and boy, i could definitely feel the stretch as they pressed against the vaginal walls from the inside. It didn't hurt, exactly; it was more of a deep ache, a pressure, really, slightly uncomfortable but not painful. i kept those in for a couple of hours, perhaps, and then Sir got back in touch and demanded that i tell Him something good.  

So i told Him the truth - that even though Sir's pussy was filled, and that it had enjoyed being fucked on His orders, it wasn't satisfied, really, because it was missing its true owner; that Sir's property was hungry for Him, and only Him. Sir seemed to like that response, because He then told me to go push the beads out, using only the vaginal muscles. No hands!

And so, of course i complied. As i mentioned in a previous post, that is harder than it sounds. But i was able to do it, and i reported back to Sir when i was done.  He seemed pleased that i had been successful, and i was happy that i had pleased Him. My muscles felt sore - no, not really sore, just used, in the way you feel it when you work any muscle group you generally don't use much. You feel the residual stretching, the slightly looser feel, the pleasant tingling from engaging those muscles in a different way. That's how it felt. And it felt good, but truthfully, Sir's property still misses Him, and is eagerly awaiting the chance to show Him that truth.








 

A Task Well in Hand

--- frank sexual discussion ---


All right, so for anyone who read my previous post, i had talked about the joys of baths ..... and i had planned to indulge myself with a long hot soak.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out quite as i had hoped. i ran out of hot water, so it wasn't nearly as warm as i wanted it. As a consequence, instead of submerging myself for a nice soak, i was able to enjoy the heat for only a few minutes before the water began to rapidly cool. Bummer.

To add insult to injury, when i turned on the jets, THEY didn't work, either. Sigh. So i had a bubbleless, tepid bath. Blech. As a remedy for my poor sick not-feeling-well self, it totally bombed.
i picked up my medicine, took the first dose, discovered i had a fever, treated that, started some laundry, ran the vacuum, blah blah blah.  Nothing fun.

But do you remember me mentioning that i had planned to complete another of Sir's tasks for me?

Around mid-afternoon i went to the bedroom and retrieved the black beads. (Feeling under the weather or not, i have instructions which i am to follow, and since i'm not so ill i can't move, i am carrying out those orders.) So, i laid on the bed and began inserting the beads vaginally. i'm allowed to play a little, to lube things up to make insertion easier, but i'm not allowed to cum during this task. Anyway, after several minutes i had 5 of the beads in place. Then i got up on my knees and began the task of using those vaginal muscles to expel the beads. It's harder than you might think, actually; having to bear down and move them out. After many long minutes one popped free, all slick and warm and covered with juice. Another minute, and the second worked its way free. i admit, i was panting a bit by this point - working muscles you aren't used to using takes a toll, after all. Another minute or so of straining and pushing, and the final three just kind of slid out, all of them shining wetly.

i rolled to my side to rest a little bit.  i was tired, more tired than i ought to have been, more tired than i would have been if i were feeling well, i'm sure. Though honestly, when Sir had me do this the first time, i was physically fine, but i was still kind of tired afterward. i suppose that with more training, those muscles will become accustomed to being used like that, and i won't be so worn out by it. It took me just a few minutes to get everything cleaned up and put away, and then i moved out to the couch to rest again. i was sore, inside - not terribly so, but i could feel that i'd been stretched, and it was a little bit uncomfortable.       

And then, after an hour or so, i discovered an unexpected, not unwelcome, but kind of puzzling thing - i wanted to get fucked. No, seriously. Sir's pussy was just throbbing, aching, needing, wanting to be filled and made to cum. The rest of my body ached in that painful, i-am-so-sick way, and Sir's property just didn't seem to care. It wanted Sir's cock, and tongue, and fingers. It's been about two hours since then, and Sir's pussy is still wanting, still needing. It's a yearning kind of ache,  a searching kind of need. And while it's sort of distracting, and slightly uncomfortable, i'm puzzled
by it, to be honest. Why now, when i'm sick? What's wrong with me?

i suppose nothing is wrong with me, not really, except that i got things rolling by working with the beads, and since the urge has gone unsatisfied, it's just going to intensify. And this may be so wrong of me - but i kind of like it. i kind of like being on edge, having to wait, having to have Sir's participation and permission for relief.  It just reinforces the fact that it all belongs to Him, and i kind of like that, too.
 

Water, Water, Everywhere

--- frank  discussion ---

i'm curled up on my couch today, feeling unwell - tired, achy (and not in the good way), just blah. i'll be going to pick up a prescription soon, but first, i plan a nice long soak in my tub.

Aah, my tub. Have i mentioned how much i love tub baths?

Filling it with hot water, almost too hot, then stepping into it, feeling the heat scorch my toes. Sinking down into the water, lying back along the side of the tub so the water covers my shoulders. Being surrounded by all that wet warmth. Closing my eyes, letting the heat seep into my muscles, becoming relaxed. And when i open my legs, feeling the swirling, moving water against Sir's pussy.... it's a very sensual experience. By rocking my hips ever so slightly, i can get the water moving fairly rhythmically, so that it's almost like a soft wet caress on all of Sir's property. And it feels good. 

And if i turn on the jets, then the whole experience jumps up a notch. Feeling the water pulse against my skin, the pressure working on relaxing tense muscles, it's extra-good, almost like a massage. And when i've had enough of lying there, i can sit up and angle myself so that one of the jets streams directly on Sir's pussy. Mmmm. i've never cum from it - and i wouldn't now; i'm going to hold true to Sir's directive - but it does heighten the sensation, for sure. 

Yes, indeed, that is my plan for this morning: a nice hot soak, some relaxation, some loosening of tension. And then i'll be ready for fulfilling another of Sir's new tasks, which i'll detail in another post.    

An Unexpected Gift

--- explicit sexual discussion ---

So two days ago, in my blog, i mentioned how i'd been turned on and wanting to cum all day, but that i had not. Well, these past days have been more of the same - more of that deep, needy, inner ache, more of the desire to climax, more of the self-denial because i stayed true to Sir's instructions. Last evening was a bit more intense - i almost felt my desire was a living thing, waiting to be unleashed, yearning to run wild for me, with me, throughout me. I wore Sir's token to sleep last night, rubbing it between my fingers as i recited my nightly devotion (three times), feeling its smooth metal warming in my fingers.

This afternoon i was visiting with some family members, and we were seated around the kitchen table playing cards. i was still in a state of sexual arousal, but i was ignoring it as best i could and was being pretty successful at it. And then, i received a text message from my Sir. He asked if i was still feeling empty and aching and needy, and of course i said, Yes.

He then surprised me by offering me a boon - He told me i could excuse myself from the room and that i was allowed to play with His pussy, but i had only a 10-minute window to comply. After that time (by 2:35 p.m.), i was again to refrain from touching or stimulating His property. 

Well - no need to tell me twice!! I excused myself to the restroom immediately, dropped my jeans to my ankles and sat on the closed toilet seat with my knees wide open. My fingers sought out Sir's pussy, His clit, and my back arched and i let out a quiet moan, it just felt so good, especially after so many days wanting to be touched. I could smell my arousal and hear the squelching sounds of wetness between Sir's pussy lips. My fingers moved faster, rubbing in circles, and i felt those slick juices flowing out and coating my fingers. A tremor ran through my body and my head dropped back as my back arched again. My free hand clutched the side of the sink as i came, quietly, a fairly small orgasm, but it still felt good.

But i am greedy, and Sir told me only that i had a limited time frame, not that i was only allowed one climax. i dropped to the floor, my face pressed into the bath mat, my knees spread as far as possible with my ankles still confined by my jeans. The fingers of my free hand dug into the mat as i inserted a finger into Sir's pussy, gathering some of the fluid there, spreading it over Sir's clit and sparking another rush of aching need. i started rubbing again, harder this time, and my breath caught in my throat when i tried to stifle my groan. Anyone standing outside the door would have heard me, and i had left the door unlocked, so it's possible that someone could have come in and found me there. But i didn't care; i was concerned only with the sensations coursing through me, the feeling of rising desire, knowing i was approaching a pretty big orgasm this time around. Lying there on the floor, my ass in the air, i imagined Sir behind me, His cock pushing into His pussy, filling it, rocking me forward, fucking me, and i swear to God i could almost feel it, almost as if He were truly there. And that was enough - i choked on a cry and came hard, shuddering and squirming and riding the climax to the end.

i lay there, panting, for several moments, til my breathing slowed to normal. i licked my fingers clean, then stood up, redressed and washed my hands. My legs were tingling, my heart rate still accelerated, and i checked the time on my cell phone - 2:32 p.m. Yes! i had enjoyed Sir's gift and still had 3 minutes to spare. i left the bathroom and returned to the kitchen on shaky legs, satisfied and feeling good. And i will admit that a few times after that, i rested my chin on my hands, my fingers curled up under my nose, in order to enjoy the scent of sex that clung to my skin.   







 

 

State of Arousal

--- frank sexual discussion ---

This has been one of those days where i've been turned on all day. No, really - i'm serious. From that last warm gush of fluid from my ice cube this morning, to the wet heat of the tub water, to the feel of my phone vibrating in my pocket, i've been in a steady state of sexual awareness. It continued all day, sometimes felt more keenly, sometimes less, but it was ever-present. 

Sitting at the red light, i wanted. Cooking dinner, i needed. Sipping coffee, i desired. Even now, while composing this blog post, i ache. i can be greedy that way ..... yesterday's session with Sir was fulfilling and much-appreciated, yet it left me wanting more. More of His presence, more of His voice, His touch, His direction. And yes, more climaxes, too. i do so enjoy cumming.  :)

Good God, i want to cum tonight. Sir's pussy is empty and wanting, and i can feel it throbbing, yearning, needing. It aches, so much ..... i would normally call it a good ache, if there were any way of satisfying it, if i were allowed to climax.

But i will not. i will not finger myself, or use any toys. i will be faithful to Sir's directive, which is, i may not cum without His express permission. i will recite my evening devotion as i always do, i will fall asleep with Sir on my mind, i will perform my task in the morning as usual. And i will be content in my obedience in this matter.    

But i'm only human, and it is not easy to behave.   :)

Training, and a Twist

--- explicit sexual discussion ---



So Sir spent some time with me today..... i was grateful for it. It has been a while since we've had time together, and i was feeling a bit adrift, a little out of sorts - and if i'm honest, a little nervous, as well. 
i function best with frequent contact (and yes, i DO mean that literally AND figuratively). When left to my own devices for too long, i tend to become uncertain and withdrawn, and that never leads to good things.

Anyway, Sir had me begin our session by reciting my devotion, which i did. Then i had to assume the positions He asked for (do you remember when i discussed these? They are numbered - 1, 2, 3, and 4). He wanted to know if i remembered them, and i do.

Sir told me i had done well thus far, and then He told me to go get whatever would fill His pussy the fullest. Hmm. That's a pretty open-ended order .... but He allowed me to choose what i'd like to use, and that was a boon He didn't have to give me. i selected the black beads; i have 2 sets, so there are 10 beads total to play with. i was able to insert the first 5 pretty easily, though i was feeling fairly full by that point. Sir had to tell me to slow down, as i was struggling with getting number 6 to go in. i get impatient, especially when Sir is watching me, and i try to rush things. And as always when i get in my own way, it doesn't turn out too well.

Anyway, Sir made me slow down, relax and allow myself the time to stretch. It was easier after that, and #6 went in all right. Number 7, however, was a real stretch; i was full, and i could feel all the beads pushing against the walls of Sir's pussy. i can't say that it was painful, exactly, but i definitely felt a deep inner soreness which was uncomfortable, to be sure. Still, i kept working at it, and eventually i was able to shove #7 in there with the rest. But that was the limit. Once the 7 were in place, and i'd had a minute or two to adjust to the fullness inside me, Sir told me to play with His pussy. As i rubbed His property, feeling the desire build, Sir began talking to me, asserting His ownership of all that i am, telling me some of what He expects of His sub, driving home the point that He is the one in control. And i know that, i do; i accept it, truly; i'm much less resistant that i was earlier in this journey. i don't claim to be perfect, and Sir concentrated on a couple of the things i still have issues with. 

(i have found - and i may be interpreting this wrong, but this is how it seems to me - that Sir likes to talk to me while i'm on the edge of orgasm, holding me on the edge while He makes His most pressing argument, the demands He knows i have the most issue with, refusing to allow me to cum until i acknowledge His ownership and His right to use me as He sees fit. Some people might see that as manipulative, but i figure, i know what the pattern is, and i really don't have to agree if i honestly don't want to. Submission, in my opinion,  is all about self-discipline; i choose my behavior, i choose to respond in a submissive manner, i choose to surrender control. It all hinges on my choices.)

Once i answered Sir with the proper response, attitude, and respect, He commanded me to cum. And i did, quite hard, too. i could feel my inner muscles contracting around the beads, and it felt good. And then Sir made me climax again; i think it was both a test of obedience and a reward, mixed together, because i had to prove to Him that i wanted to, that i needed to. i faltered a little, i admit; i didn't mean to, and it wasn't an intentional act of disobedience. i just wasn't ready to cum the second time as quickly as Sir commanded me to. Have you heard the expression, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"? That's where i was. i wanted to obey, i just couldn't get the body to cooperate at that precise moment. But Sir gave me a second chance, and i was able to comply that time. 

Part of my hesitation, i think, was also related to the directive Sir had just given me, to find a female to join us in a session. Gulp. My brain went off in a million directions, turning that over, and i became distracted by the potential ramifications. Sir knew exactly what had happened, because He told me in no uncertain terms that i was not being replaced, nor subjugated under another sub; and then he said, "you are Mine." And that simple statement did more to reassure me than anything else, and i felt Sir's pussy respond to His claim; and i came pretty much right in response to His assertion.

But Sir wasn't finished with me yet. Once He was satisfied, He had another twist in mind: He told me i was not allowed to remove the beads with my hands; i had to push them out. Well. That is much harder than it sounds, and i felt silly, then a little frustrated, trying to comply. It took me several minutes to expel the 2 beads of the second string, and i did have to resort to pulling one of the beads of the first string free, before i could manage to push the rest out. i cannot even begin to tell you what an odd sensation that was. And then Sir told me He has yet another task for me - once each week i am to insert 5 beads (one whole string) and then use only those muscles to expel them. i suppose all muscles can be trained.....  oh, and i am not allowed to cum during this task, either. That restriction has not changed. 

So, i am not replacing any of my previous tasks; i am adding to them. i am still forbidden from climaxing without Sir's express permission. Still, i feel satisfied with today's session, and with the way i'm progressing. i have a long way to go, and many more lessons to learn and to share.

  

 As always, comments are welcome. Please just be respectful of any other opinions expressed. Thank you.






  
 

Fall Clean-up

It snowed here today, quite early this morning, great big fat flakes that floated gently to earth and covered the ground with a thin blanket of white, hiding the old dead leaves and the brown grass. It was easy to look at all that crisp fresh whiteness and think, Oooh, how pretty - all the moldering remains of Fall's decay are gone.

Of course, that was true only on the surface. Underneath that snowy layer lurked the dead crumbling leaves, the dry brown lawn, the broken twigs and crushed acorn shells. Adding the snow doesn't clear away the detritus, it merely disguises it. When the sun shines bright and melts away the snow, all the leaves and twigs and acorns are still there. What's really needed, then, is to get out the rake (or the mower) and clean up the yard, removing all the decaying bits and clearing the way for winter's restful period, before spring's rebirth.  

And i thought, It seemed appropriate. i have autumn times - where my soul feels dried up and crumbling, and i'm losing any sense of peace and joy; times when (through no fault of Sir's, just my own) i feel neglected or under-appreciated or lonely or confused; times when i get bogged down under decaying attitudes, moldering fears and dried-up ways of looking at life. Then when the snow comes - a brief respite where i break out of my routine and add a layer of newness - i can fool myself into thinking that those old patterns are gone. But the truth is, those decaying attitudes and moldering fears are still there, and what i really need to do is to get out the rake and clean up the yard. When the self-doubt is cleared away, there is room for self-assurance to take root. When i can let go of fear, there is room for exploration. When self-imposed limits are uprooted, there is room for new experiences to blossom.

And just like with a physical yard, cleaning up doesn't happen only once; it is a continual process. i'll keep working on clearing away the self-doubt, the self-imposed limitations, the nagging fears, and along the way, hopefully i'll reap self-confidence, satisfaction from service, openness to new ideas. Sir always asks if i trust Him; i keep saying, It isn't a matter of trust; it's a matter of getting out of my own way, working on issues inside me, learning to clear out the things that hold me back so that new attitudes can take root. Sticking to my daily tasks helps with that, forcing me to focus on Sir and how i am to serve Him, reiterating what He expects of me, training (slowly, yes, but making progress nonetheless!) myself into obedience. i still have a long way to go, of course. i will be Sir's work-in-progress for as long as He'll have me. But i do see that i have the potential to make Him proud, and when i do, then i'll receive the things i need, as well.         

Pause, Reflect, Renew

So here it is Saturday night.... wow, the week has gone by so quickly! It's been a super-busy week, and next week will be more of the same. It never rains, but it pours, eh?

Sir has pointed out that i have fallen behind in my posting schedule; i have no real excuse, other than so much of my time and energy has been consumed with work and other issues this week. i apologize for my poor performance; i will be more careful to maintain my regular schedule going forward. 

i can say, quite truthfully, that despite the insanity of my schedule, i have been faithful in the performance of my daily ice cube task, and in the nightly recitation of my devotion. i wear the collar which was gifted to me by Sir every day (i sent a picture of me wearing it to Sir today, and i'm wearing it as i type this, as a matter of fact). 

Once Sir pointed it out, i realized that i sometimes have trouble balancing my obligations to myself with the obligations i have to others, and usually, the obligations to myself are sacrificed. Why do i do that? Why do i automatically - honestly, i didn't even see that's what i had done! - put my own needs/wants/desires behind those of everyone else on the planet?? Why do i assume that the things that i want for myself are less important than the things others want from me? i have no idea..... but i do it all the time. 

i need to stop that. No, i NEED to stop that. i am no less important than anyone else, no less worthy than anyone else, no less valuable in my own right than anyone else. i'm not saying i'm better..... but i'm certainly not less. And that is a shift in my pattern of thought. A good shift, i hope. 

So - shake off the cobwebs, throw off the mantle of complacency, adopt an air of self-awareness. And keep moving forward.

Fogged up windows.....

---- frank discussion -----

And so i was given a specific task by my Sir for today; when i dressed for the office this morning, i was to wear a skirt, and i was NOT to wear panties. 

Hmmm.

The other task i was given was, i was to retire to my car over my lunch break and make myself cum while reciting my devotion. 

Hmmm, again.

Well, the first part was pretty simple. i have only one skirt which fits me, so i pulled that on. i also have some thigh-high stockings, patterned, with the really strong rubbery elastic to hold them up. i don't really like wearing them for extended periods, as the elastic tends to chafe my skin, and i end up with an itchy red line all the way around my leg.... but Sir spoke, and i had to obey.

And honestly, it wasn't too bad. Most of the time i was actually able to forget, or at least ignore, the fact that i was wearing no panties. i was conscious of it each time i recrossed my legs, however. And by the end of the day the elastic had scribed a red welt around each thigh. Still, it didn't kill me, and there were a few times when i inwardly marveled at my own daring. Yes, OK, fine, so maybe it isn't really "daring" if i'm the only one who knows. But i am in no way any kind of exhibitionist, so yes, for me, it was pretty bold.

i had a bigger problem following through on my other task. It was freakin' cold out today, and i got a few odd looks as i made my way out to my car. The weak sun had not really warmed the inside, i can tell you. Brr! 

Anyway, i climbed inside all bundled in my long coat. i had to fuss with it a bit, so that i wasn't sitting on it so much that my movements were restricted. i had taken my cell phone with me - i had a call to make, you see - and i held it up to my ear and propped my elbow against the window. With my free hand, i hiked up the fabric of my skirt and reached between my legs. My fingers were cold at first, and it took a few moments to get any wetness to appear; i was self-conscious, sitting there in view of the building, and feeling a bit silly, if the truth be told. i shifted my knee further to the side so i had better access, and then i concentrated on bringing myself off. 

i started reciting my devotion, out loud, and that made me focus on Sir, and that really helped get the juices flowing. My body - if i may be granted the privilege of calling it that, just for clarity's sake; it truly is Sir's body, but that sounds confusing - responds to Sir almost immediately, so focusing on Him resulted in me relaxing, opening, growing wet and responding. As i stimulated Sir's pussy and clit, my voice became breathier, even hitching in the middle of my words at times. i felt my responses growing stronger, hips beginning to rock against my fingers, and i lost my place in my recitation. i had to start over again, which was harder than it sounds, because i was feeling close to the edge of orgasm, and i kept stumbling over the words. 

And then, into my mind came Sir's voice, commanding me to "Cum, now," and i did, biting my lip to keep my vocalizations minimal. Sir doesn't like that very much, but i needed to be discreet. i panted while i waited for my heart rate to calm, for my breathing to normalize. And then i remembered that i had not brought any kind of towel with me, not even paper towels from the rest room. Hmmm. My fingers were slick and sticky, so i licked them clean. There wasn't much i could do about the stickiness between my legs, however. 

i'd spent less than 15 minutes outside, but i headed back inside anyway, as that was certainly long enough for a phone call. i hung up my coat, shook out my skirt and went to the rest room to clean up a little. Still, for the remainder of the day, i could feel the residual wetness between my thighs. Sir was never far from my thoughts, either. i imagine that was the whole point.   :)



As always, comments are welcome. Please just be respectful of other opinions expressed. Thank you.       







  

The Fling's the Thing

---- explicit sexual content ----


So after the challenging week i've had, Sir spent some time with me today. Did i ever need it! i needed His physical presence, His voice, His direction. And especially His praise and encouragement.

To begin our session, Sir had me stuff a string of 5 anal beads into His pussy. They are fairly good sized, so that 5th one was quite a squeeze - a big stretch and a stab of near-pain before i managed to get it seated all the way. He inspected my handiwork and i'm glad to say that i passed His scrutiny. He gave me a couple of minutes to adjust while we talked of other things, and then cool fingers began stroking me, rubbing me, rolling over me. Sir likes it when i make noise, so i tried not to stifle my voice. 

As the rubbing continued, i could feel myself growing wetter, and i was a bit surprised at how much..... i might have thought those beads would be in the way, but the wetness was bountiful and seeped out around the beads. Those fingers touching me pressed inside His pussy, gathering up that moisture, becoming slick and wet and feeling so very good as they rubbed me. Sir told me to let him know when i was approaching orgasm, and after several minutes i gasped out that i was close to cumming..... and then He forbade me from climaxing. Ah - time for another lesson. 

 And as i lay there, writhing and biting my lip, holding on to the edge of orgasm without falling over, Sir enforced His ownership of all i am and all i will be, and  He reasserted His right to use His property as He sees fit. Now honestly, at that point, it's not so far-fetched to believe that i might say anything - anything - if only He will allow his slut to cum. God, being held there can hurt. And Sir is persistent, and at last i acquiesced and agreed to comply with His directives.

And Sir is also quick to reward, so when my attitude was properly subdued and in line with His, He allowed me to cum, and it was hard and strong and hot and so very, very good. And then He told me to bring myself off for a second time, and i complied, and that orgasm was even stronger than the first one. And Sir was pleased, and told me i had done well, and that felt almost as good as the climax had.

Sir also tasked me with coming up with 4 ways in which i might please a guest He might choose to share me with. This is something i am not comfortable with..... i am not a bag of chips, to be passed around at a party. i'm worth more than that. It is difficult to feel valued when being given away. i know that everyone has their own preferences and their own levels of what they can do and what they can't, and this is one that i'm afraid i can't. But, i am being molded into obedience, so in that sense, i am trying to go with it.

Umm, first i think i'd need to help set Sir's guest at ease. If i am comfortable in my own skin (literally), then things should go more smoothly, with less self-consciousness. i hope. So i suppose it would fall to me to make His guest comfortable. Sir has mentioned that He would like me to show a guest to a seat, opening the guest's pants, and take them into my mouth, just for a minute, just enough to relax them.

After that, it will depend on what Sir has decided to share. If He wants me to suck His guest, i will. If he wants me to accept a tongue, or fingers, or a cock, into Sir's pussy, then i will comply. If He wants me to touch or lick or stroke or tease or pinch or caress, then i will. The very idea scares me to death, but Sir has faith that i can, so i suppose that i can.  (Never fear...... all progress in this area, or all others, will be blogged about.)

Assuming Sir's guest is male, i would lavish attention on his cock, with my hands and with my mouth. i would wrap my fingers around his shaft and stroke him, caressing him, and then run my tongue along its length. i want to hear his gasp when i take him into my mouth and suck him, pulling him in as much as i can, fondling his balls with my fingers, pumping his cock in my hand even as my mouth suckles the tip, sliding lower to take more and then pulling back, so he slides along my tongue.

But i don't want my Sir to feel shut out, so i would like to roll to my hands and knees, turning my oral attentions to Sir's cock, opening my knees so that Sir's guest can fuck my pussy. Sir won't mind if his guest's thrusts push me forward onto His cock, making me gag and splutter. Perhaps if i do a good job, Sir will allow me to cum, even around his guest's cock. Although really, even my orgasms belong to Sir, so perhaps He would have me wait and only cum for Him.

If Sir's guest is a female, well ..... that one is trickier. Still, as i am a girl, i have a fairly good idea of what another girl might like. i think i might lave my tongue over her nipples, waiting for them to pebble up so i can pull them between my teeth and gently bite them. i know i like that, myself. Then my fingers will search out her pussy, testing to see if she's wet yet, pressing a finger inside, then a second, and pumping them in and out of her. Once my fingers are slick, i'll pull them out and rub her clit with them, letting my fingers dance and tickle and glide, so that she can't help but buck her hips up into my hand. i might slide down, then, reinserting my fingers and taking her clit into my mouth, lashing that sensitive nub with my tongue until she cries out and cums around my fingers, soaking them with her juices. Once she calms, i'll slide my fingers free and lick them clean.

Another thing she might like, perhaps, is to ride Sir's cock. If so, my role will be different, more of a supportive position, i think. I'll be able to fondle her nipples, squeeze her breasts, maybe even suckle them a bit. And as she rides, maybe i can sneak my hand between her and Sir, using my fingers to brush her clit or to fondle Sir's balls. i won't be able to NOT touch Sir somehow, i don't think. But as i've said before, it really all depends on what Sir has decided to share.

 




comments, as always, are welcome. just please be respectful of other expressed opinions.

Aftermath

First off - to any reader dealing with the aftermath of Sandy, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. That storm was a real bitch, though i was pretty lucky; the worst that happened to me was losing my electricity for 16+ hours. It was not fun, no, but i thank God it was not worse.

The lack of power, of course, kept me off the Internet, and away from the TV. i could not post, obviously, and once the power came back on and the town resumed "normality," i found that my words didn't flow, like they usually do. Hmmm. Admittedly, i have had many stressers over the past week, not just Sandy, and i'm sure all of the mess weighing down my mind is to blame.

Still, i have been working on my daily tasks..... the ice cube task was skipped while the power was out, as i did not open the freezer, but otherwise, i have followed through on that every day, and i have recited my evening devotion each night before i go to sleep. The kneeling has been more hit-and-miss, though i do accomplish it most of the time. Training with the bit, however .... ugh. i'm not sure if it's the taste of it, or the fact that it makes me drool, but i still gag on that thing. And it forces my jaw into a weird position and makes it really ache. i have issues with the joint of my jaw anyway - it pops when i open my mouth too wide and tends to lock up and hurt when i overuse it, which makes giving oral a challenge, i can tell you.

Anyway, my ice cube this morning seemed extra-cold, somehow; i not only felt the chill inside me, like usual, but my lower spine also ached, a twinge-y, almost throbbing sensation. That has pretty much resolved by now, but it took me by surprise. Sir's pussy has remained empty for this past week, giving me time to try to absorb the lessons of our time away and attempt to focus on obedience. i admit, it's been a tough week in many ways (did you catch the mention of "stressers" i made earlier?) and i can't decide if the quiet has been soothing as i deal with the other issues, or if it's been irritating, leaving me floundering.

In any case, having Sir's token as a physical, tangible symbol has been reassuring. i'm grateful for it.





 

Weekend Wonderings

And it's Saturday...... i had the luxury of sleeping in quite late (which was wonderful!) and then i completed my daily ice cube task. Because i had slept so long, i was a little pressed for time, hurrying through my usual bath and dressing quickly. i was caught by surprise by a sudden rush of warm water flowing from Sir's pussy, drenching my panties. i had to make a quick wardrobe adjustment after that.

Having had this task for a few weeks now, i am aware that sometimes that kind of flood can happen. So i knew exactly what it was, but still - i was taken unawares by it today. Honestly, i can't say WHY it happens like that; when i first began this daily task, i figured i would experience a steady trickle of water as the ice cube melted, but in reality, that isn't how it happens for me. And generally, that feeling of warmth and wetness makes me feel like i want to have sex..... and it did that today. Hell, i've been walking around in a semi-horny state ever since i returned from my retreat. Sir has forbidden me from climaxing without His express permission, so i have not, shall we say, taken matters into my own hands. And in some ways, that ever-present achy feeling is pleasant; as the saying goes, Anticipation makes it even sweeter.  

And then again, an ache left unfulfilled too long becomes annoying, then uncomfortable, then frustrating. i am not there yet, of course. i am able to be distracted from my semi-arousal by keeping busy with work or chores or whatever, but it's getting stronger, i will admit. Sir has been quiet these past few days, which frankly, is more uncomfortable than my physical state. Just a short while ago i would have internalized that as being my fault; but i don't think that now. i will wait patiently and continue to carry out my tasks as instructed, hoping to earn Sir's approval for doing so. 

Adrift at Sea

So it's been a few days since i've returned from my retreat with Sir, and i've had time to resume my routine. Now, routine is not necessarily bad ... it depends on the reasons behind it. 

Am i using my routine as a tool to practice obedience? If so, it's a good thing. Am i using routine to hide, or because it's comfortable and safe? If so, then perhaps it's time to shake things up a bit. 

i think i have a little of both happening. i asked to continue with the ice cube every morning, because it really did make me think of Sir first thing. i find it safe, now, as well as a way to get my thoughts focused in the morning. The kneeling is more of a chore than anything, which i believe is a lesson in obedience, because it isn't fun or easy, even now. Reciting my devotion every night when i go to bed lets me think about Sir, and my choice to continue on my journey, every night before i go to sleep. 

i do recognize that my feelings about things change like the tides..... any change in the wind can cause me to re-evaluate where i stand. i'm working on maintaining a more even temperament, especially in regards to my submission. It is a choice that i have to make every day, sometimes every hour, especially when issues outside of sex crop up. In those cases it is not always in my best interests to play the submissive; sometimes i do have to stand firm on what i want, on what i'll accept, because otherwise i become a door mat and i get stepped on. Sexually, however, i find that sometimes those outside issues influence my willingness to be submissive, even though it should be separate, and even though i know better. i find myself reacting because of the baggage i'm carrying from outside, not strictly due to what's happening at the moment. This is something i've only recently recognized, and something i know i need to be more cognizant of, so i can identify when it's happening and redirect my actions more appropriately.

But i've also come to realize that i am only human, and sometimes i will err.  And as long as i accept whatever disciplinary action Sir deems appropriate and resolve to learn from my mistakes and keep moving on, i can let go of those missteps instead of obsessing over them and feeling like i will never be worthy of, or capable of, growing in submission. As long as i keep making progress, as long as i keep making the decision to submit, i will keep growing and learning and developing and becoming.    

The Sound of Silence

My day has been anything but silent. The vast majority of our days are like that, i think ..... from the blaring of the alarm clock to the time we snap off the TV before bed, our ears are filled with a cacophony of sound. It's never just quiet. 

But sometimes a dose of silence is exactly what we need, to allow our minds to float free, to turn over issues or concerns, to take a break from the usual overload of noise that we are surrounded with. i had a bit of that this morning; a slice of time where the only noise i heard was the churning of the washer as it tumbled my clothes. i was able to sit with my thoughts, reflect on my recent time away with my Sir, re-evaluate my actions and responses, and see where i could have been better, done better. 

i'm not going to wallow in my errors or let myself fall off the path because i made a misstep or two. Yes, i made some mistakes; Sir has already corrected me about them, and i am able to keep moving ahead. This is something i do have trouble with, though. i tend to get bogged down when i err, becoming mired in self-recriminations and then feeling like i'll never "get" it, never be good enough. And once i'm convinced i won't be able to perform adequately, i get the "why even bother to try" syndrome, and i end up quitting.

Well, not this time. i have fought through too many of my fears and insecurities to just throw in the towel now. i may still have times where i feel overwhelmed, or that i can't succeed, or that it's all too much for me. And that's OK, as long as i regroup and keep moving forward. Sir has faith that i can do this; i will choose to believe that He is correct.

One More Step, One More Day

So it's one day since i returned from my retreat with Sir, and i'm getting back into my routine -- an ice cube first thing in the morning, 10 minutes of kneeling, nude, in position at some point during the day, and reciting my devotion every night when i go to bed. After the challenges and the change of scenery on the retreat, i find a return to routine to be comforting. i don't mean to say that i like being in a rut! That isn't it.... but i do like the constancy of knowing what to expect. It makes me feel more secure.

i got some interesting news at my job today; i'm not yet sure if it's good interesting, or bad interesting. Time will tell, as it does for all things. And why do you care, i'm sure some readers are asking; why would i talk about something other than sex and submission? Because as the other aspects of my life ebb and flow, fall into confusion and then settle down again, i find that i need the structure of this submissive journey.  And that may seem contrary to what i've written before, especially all the mental struggles i've been having as to whether submission is actually something i can accomplish.  i learned, during my time away, that i am capable of it, as long as i stay out of my own way, as long as i don't over-think everything. And i am coming to believe that submission is not the same as weakness, nor fragility (though sometimes i do feel fragile, i'll admit). i'm learning, as i explore and train and stretch the boundaries of this aspect of my personality, that i am gaining strength in other areas, as well. 

Now - do i believe that this is all there is? Of course not!!! And even if i did, never fear; my Sir will be quick to point out that i have miles and miles and miles to go. i have merely taken the first few steps on this journey. There will be much to explore and to share as i continue on this path. One of the things my Sir has told me is, there is always something new to learn. i fully expect that He will keep pushing and challenging and testing me; i wear His token as a physical acknowledgement of His right to do so. The biggest stumbling block in this journey is me. However - knowing something, and living it are two entirely different things. The point of this whole journey is to bend those two concepts into one reality, so that i live, willingly and joyfully, that which i know.        



Comments are always welcome, but please, be respectful of any other opinions expressed. Thank you.

Upon Further Reflection

i am very glad i made the decision to continue in my journey to submission. i know i have a long, long way to go, and i also know it will not be an easy process. And yes, that scares me a little. By surrendering all control, i potentially open myself to situations or expectations i am not comfortable with or ready for or even willing to contemplate at this point in time. But i have to hold fast to the belief that in the end, all these growing pains will be worth it.

It helps immeasurably that my Sir told me that i did well on our retreat. That made me feel good, and helped ease some of my lingering doubts about my ability to serve in an acceptable way. i am discovering that this is baggage i carry from other aspects of my life - a belief that i am somehow defective, unworthy, unable to adequately perform. It both surprises and saddens me to realize how deep this streak of self-doubt runs in me.

My Sir introduced me to the cane on our retreat. He did nothing more than demonstrate how it would be used in the event that i totally failed Him, but i took that lesson seriously. And even during my mini-meltdown, the cane stayed in the corner. Sir was very generous with His slut in allowing me the time i needed to recover. i took that gift to heart - i brought the cane back with me, and i have it hanging in my closet where i will see it every day. Both the cane and my Sir's token are physical, tangible reminders to me, every single day, of my decision to serve, my commitment to learn, my desire to become my Sir's willing submissive.    

Advance and retreat

-- frank sexual discussion --



So my time away with my Sir is winding down, and i have both improved and backslid. i think i am ending on a good note, but honestly, there was a point yesterday when i lost it and nearly walked away. And my only excuse is that i panicked. Sir was not pleased. 

Long story short, Sir often reinforces His ownership and His expectations by speaking sternly to me while we are engaged in sexual situations, often while i am sucking Him, and of course i am to respond appropriately. Well, yesterday morning as He was speaking, He brought up an issue i have always been resistant to, and i just broke. i started to get up from the bed, spitting out some comment about how i was done, and He grabbed my arm and threw me back to the bed, pinning me down with a hand spanning my throat. And then He spoke, quietly but deadly serious, reminding me that i had willingly and voluntarily entered into this arrangement, that i had told Him i wanted to learn submission, that i had told Him i needed the structure, and that He had agreed to teach me. 

And He told me to lose my fucking attitude, because i was getting in my own way and allowing my fears to rule me. And i bit my tongue, because even though i hated to admit it, He was right, about all of it. i freely admit that i have so, so far to go, and so, so much to learn about service and devotion, and sometimes i despair of ever being able to truly accomplish it. But i swallowed, hard, and when He asked me if i regretted my choice, i said, No, Sir. And when He asked me if i wanted to continue the journey, i answered, Yes, Sir. After evaluating me critically for a short while, He accepted my answer, and we continued. 

But i think He recognized that i was simply overwhelmed at the moment, because the tone of the rest of the day was more relaxed. i was given the time to absorb that latest lesson, to mull it over, to ponder, then to accept and move on. And that is my pattern - i resist, i ponder, i accept and move forward. It is a process, a long, sometimes arduous process, but still i can see where progress is being made.

This morning when i awoke, i decided i was not going to quit, so i did what Sir has told me He wants, which is to wake Him with a morning blow job. i pulled Him into my mouth and began sucking Him, feeling His cock swelling in my mouth. And honestly, i had a terrible time with my gag reflex today; ugh, it was awful. But i did not quit, or say it was too hard. i gagged, choked, regrouped and dived in again, and it got a bit better. Sir seemed pleased with my initiative, but then He tested me. Or at least, it felt like a test to me. i was ordered to insert my anal plug before i would be allowed to continue sucking Him. He knows i really don't like like it - i really, really don't. But i complied, whimpering out some "Ow"'s when the plug stretched me. And then Sir told me i wasn't allowed to say Ow, so then i was silent as i pushed the plug past the painful part and into place. At that point i was allowed to resume sucking His cock, and He began repeating His lessons from yesterday, about what He owns and how He may use it, and i responded with the appropriate Yes, Sir.

At that point Sir had me remove the plug so He could have use of His ass (remember, He owns everything) and He fucked it and gifted it with His cum. Afterward, i cleaned Him off with my tongue, and we talked.  He asked me again if i wanted to continue, and i reiterated my wish to keep learning, to keep on this path i have chosen.

And then Sir honored me by presenting me with His token, a lovely silver chain i am to wear always, to remind myself daily of my commitment to serve and acceptance of His teachings. He knows (and i know He knows because He told me, in so many words) that i will screw up again, many times, but that the rewards will be worth the effort as long as i allow them to be. 

i'm clinging to that promise, because i do feel better, and more settled, and less frantic, when i comply and serve. My biggest stumbling block will be getting out of my own way, and learning that submission is actually a position of strength. That is the goal.  

And Away We Go!

--- frank personal discussion ---



So today was Day One of my time away with my Sir, and i feel it has gone very well. i admit, there was a short span of time early in the afternoon when my brain was unsettled and i questioned my ability to please Him. i am very glad, however, that i fought back that twinge of doubt, because i proved to myself, today, that i am capable of serving. 

i arrived at Sir's retreat and presented myself at the door as i was told - wearing a long trench coat, a lavender half-bra and garter set with stockings, and strappy high-heeled shoes. He told me to take a few minutes to get myself settled, then i presented myself before Him and asked what He would have me do. From there my Sir was in control; He told me how to stand, how to kneel, what to do, even prompted me on what my proper responses were to be. And i liked it. Yes, there were a few things that my immediate gut reaction was to dismiss, but i was able to temper my behavior and follow through on His commands. And that is what i've been wondering about - would i be able to put aside my own instinctive thoughts and make a conscious choice to be obedient? Would i be willing to allow Him to have control over everything? Could i trust someone else enough to surrender to His whim, and be confident that i would be protected?

The happy answer is, yes. i was able to have all of that today. And not only did i feel good about my performance, but Sir also told me He was proud of me. That made me smile.  :)

One thing that really brings the point home is this: Sir has been telling me that He wanted me to answer the door (such as to admit a pizza delivery) wearing only my bra and garter set. i have been resisting that one, vehemently, on the grounds that He had told me He would not embarrass or humiliate me, and i felt that public nakedness does both. --  Hey, i'm not 100% comfortable with the contours of my frame, and i really did not want to  have anyone else see it, ok? -- Anyway, by the time the delivery person came around, i had performed well enough (and been praised by my Sir) that i was able to admit the delivery person in my skimpy attire. It was actually kind of funny to see how flustered the poor kid was (he really was young) and i felt surprisingly strong and forthright and confident afterward.

So i'm feeling good now, and happy, and well-settled, and i have high hopes that i will be able to be equally successful in the rest of my time with my Sir, and that i will be able to absorb the lessons He has planned for me. More to follow........



As always, comments are welcome. But please - be respectful of any other opinions expressed. Thank you.