This is an adult blog, containing graphic and detailed descriptions of sexual situations and BDSM themes. Read at your own risk.
Wow, it has been a long time, hasn't it? More than 4 months .... Makes you wonder if I've been bored, or crazy-busy, or what. The truth is, some of everything, I guess. That's just life.
However - Master and I had the opportunity for some time away recently, and as a result of some discussion, there've been some changes made. Taking his cue from some throw-away comment I made, he decided to remove all current restrictions, tasks, and other guidelines he had previously put into place. At the time, I did not realize the impact these items had on my daily life. Let me see if I can list them, so you see what I mean:
-- No orgasms without permission.
-- No wearing a bra without permission. White cotton undergarments are preferred. No panties worn on Thursday, except if I'm on my period.
-- Maintain a chart of foods eaten and ounces of water consumed daily. Strive for 64 oz. of water daily. Incorporate 2 servings each of veggies and fruits each day. Take a 20-minute walk every day. No coffee and no soda allowed. Tea is acceptable, any flavor. No table sugar; sweeten with Stevia.
-- Maintain Master's property in the manner he prefers. Keep personal areas shaved smooth, keep hair cut short.
-- Every night, recite my 7-stanza devotion when I get into bed. Finger Master's pussy during recitation. No cumming.
-- Om Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, wear an anal plug for a minimum of 3 hours.
-- On Friday, perform deep throating training, which is video'ed and sent to Master for critique.
-- Do not wear any necklace which interferes with my collar. My collar is to be prominent, and worn at all times.
-- Refer to Master by his title, unless told to use his given name.
Honestly, I'm not sure this is the entire list. Some things have become so ingrained that I don't know if I've overlooked them, since they are just what I automatically do.
Anyway, in the nearly 2 weeks which have passed, I have discovered a previously uncertain truth: these behaviors, while useful and pleasing to Master, do not make or break my submission. My acceptance of them, my willingness to comply, and my attitude about service, do. I freely admit, my attitude has been a big struggle for me at times. Some of these tasks are not easy for me, and some are downright unpleasant. I did always comply to the best of my ability, and yes, my ability has waxed and waned sometimes. My tasks have changed as time has passed, as Master learns what works with me, what he sees as areas I need to show growth in, as he guides me on my submissive journey.
I will say, I have definitely taken advantage of the lack of restrictions. I've cum several times (bliss), had plenty of coffee (though I have settled into a one cup per day routine), drank far too much soda (still working on toning that down), skipped the plug & the training (never my favorites). I have not, and will not, remove my collar, however. Just because I may not HAVE to wear it, now, doesn't mean I CAN'T, if I so choose. And I still refer to Master as Master, because that just seems appropriate.
Perhaps this is what Master is trying to teach me - that submission isn't truly, or only, about the outward behavior, but more properly the attitude and the willing spirit to allow him to be in charge of me, to trust his guidance, to comply with his requests not only "because a good sub should," but because in the long run, willing submission benefits me as much as it does him.
