Time marches on.....

--- frank sexual discussion ---


It's been an odd few days. Things have been thrown into upheaval by the sudden death of my boss; the viewing was last night, the funeral was this morning, and i am caught feeling both numb and bemused. This weird emotional state is compounded by my current head cold/chest cold/sinus thing, which is miserable. i can't breathe, i'm awake several times a night, and i fell into such a terrible coughing fit at the burial mass today that the widow turned around to offer me a cough drop. Sigh. i excused myself to the rest room after that. 

But this, too, shall pass, like all things.

What i ought to be more concerned about is my impending mini-vacation with Sir on Friday. And i am, don't get me wrong; but i seem to be more involved with this death and my illness. i am trying to move past that and focus on Sir's plans. i have been keeping up with my ice cube task, with reciting my nightly devotion, with my weekly bead training, and i'm wearing Sir's token pretty much constantly (i do take it off to bathe, usually). i feel like i am doing what i should...... and when i slow down, take the time to focus inward, i recognize that, indeed, i am needy. i need, i want, i hunger, i yearn. Right now, actually, i can feel the desire bubbling inside me, the restless inner ache, the want and the hunger to touch and be touched, to serve and be rewarded. i have been given a list of things to have ready when Sir arrives - i am to be wearing a white tank top with white panties, have an anal plug in place, have candles burning and a bowl of ice cubes ready. And i am to come up with some kind of extra condition, as well. i'm not sure yet what to do about that, but i'll think of something. i hope.

In the meantime, i need to stop beating myself up about feeling stretched in too many directions. i'll take the rest of this evening to reminisce about my boss, to sort through my memories and feelings and savor them, then be refreshed in the morning and ready to focus more completely on Sir's needs and wants and desires and commands. i will take the time tomorrow to train my inner muscles again, per Sir's dictates. And i will consciously let go of the stress, the sadness, the strain and the guilt, and focus on how i can best get what i need, by giving Sir what He desires. Because believe me, i do need. A lot.