One More Step, One More Day

So it's one day since i returned from my retreat with Sir, and i'm getting back into my routine -- an ice cube first thing in the morning, 10 minutes of kneeling, nude, in position at some point during the day, and reciting my devotion every night when i go to bed. After the challenges and the change of scenery on the retreat, i find a return to routine to be comforting. i don't mean to say that i like being in a rut! That isn't it.... but i do like the constancy of knowing what to expect. It makes me feel more secure.

i got some interesting news at my job today; i'm not yet sure if it's good interesting, or bad interesting. Time will tell, as it does for all things. And why do you care, i'm sure some readers are asking; why would i talk about something other than sex and submission? Because as the other aspects of my life ebb and flow, fall into confusion and then settle down again, i find that i need the structure of this submissive journey.  And that may seem contrary to what i've written before, especially all the mental struggles i've been having as to whether submission is actually something i can accomplish.  i learned, during my time away, that i am capable of it, as long as i stay out of my own way, as long as i don't over-think everything. And i am coming to believe that submission is not the same as weakness, nor fragility (though sometimes i do feel fragile, i'll admit). i'm learning, as i explore and train and stretch the boundaries of this aspect of my personality, that i am gaining strength in other areas, as well. 

Now - do i believe that this is all there is? Of course not!!! And even if i did, never fear; my Sir will be quick to point out that i have miles and miles and miles to go. i have merely taken the first few steps on this journey. There will be much to explore and to share as i continue on this path. One of the things my Sir has told me is, there is always something new to learn. i fully expect that He will keep pushing and challenging and testing me; i wear His token as a physical acknowledgement of His right to do so. The biggest stumbling block in this journey is me. However - knowing something, and living it are two entirely different things. The point of this whole journey is to bend those two concepts into one reality, so that i live, willingly and joyfully, that which i know.        



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