Playdate's Eve

--- frank sexual discussion ---


You may recall that in my last post, i said that my Sir and i had planned a couple days away..... our time begins tomorrow. i am looking forward to the chance to spend some time away, without distraction, to reinforce the lessons i have so recently learned, to drive home the behavioral changes i have begun to make, to prove to myself that i am capable of learning to please my Sir. i am nervous, yes, especially in regards to my mental attitude; right now i am content and at peace, and i want it to stay that way. i am also eager, because Sir is generous with His rewards when i have earned them, and i do want to earn (and then enjoy!) them.

My Sir did point out an error i had made in my last post, one that was quite unintentional, but one that was made, nonetheless: i referred to His property as my own. i meant no disrespect, and in truth i do know and acknowledge His ownership. i was not being cheeky or disrespectful, nor was i trying to repudiate His claim. In fact, i am horrified by my misstatement. That is one area i do struggle with, at times, especially when trying to describe my own reactions; in attempting to fully convey my feelings and thoughts, i inadvertently slip into older patterns of thought. It is a problem i am aware of, and i feel i am becoming more cognizant of when these errors occur. Still, i did screw up, words-wise, and i don't want there to be any confusion for any readers of this blog, so i wanted to be sure to clarify the issue.

Specifically - He owns all i am, all i have, all i strive to be, physically, mentally and spiritually. It is for His pleasure that i do as He commands. i am learning (slowly, yes, and at times, in a terribly roundabout way) how best to please Him. That is my goal and my desire.

So - as i've said, the point of this trip is to reinforce the learning i've done so far, and to lay the groundwork for further lessons. i honestly do not know exactly what my Sir will ask of me, what He will want me to learn, what behaviors He will want me to perform - or to refrain from performing. 

i DO know that one of the most important tasks i can complete is to keep the proper attitude of openness, obedience, and respect. i have faith that i will be kept safe from harm - my Sir has promised me this - so i am fairly sure that the major challenges i will face will involve learning to put aside my own will in favor of my Sir's dictates. And that, i do confess, has been very difficult at times for me. i think it's only natural that we all want to have our own way; it isn't easy or comfortable to put aside the things we want (or the things we think we want) and to fulfill another's desires, instead. But as the submissive, that is exactly my role; at least, as i understand it thus far. By fulfilling my Sir's needs and desires first, to His satisfaction, i in turn have my own needs and desires fulfilled. And yes, i have needs and desires, some of which are fairly easy to name, and some of which have been buried so deep that i cannot even find the words to express them. 

i guess what i've been trying to say is, i fully expect to be challenged; what i'm less sure of is whether i will meet those challenges or, perhaps, fail to meet some of them. So i will do my best to quell the nervous butterflies and simply take each task as it comes, and let my time with my Sir unfold as He pleases. Wish me luck......





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