Is it just me, or do most people view a journey as a smoothly-flowing linear progression?
And if that's true, then why is this journey of mine so filled with stops and starts, with backtracking and off-road detours and mud pits and out-of-gas splutterings?
i swear, i'm exhausted. i'm just so physically tired. i'm having trouble mustering any enthusiasm for today's stretch of road. In fact i've already veered off the path that's been laid before me and i know i'm in trouble for it. And i don't want to face it. My immediate gut reaction, actually, was kind of a "i'm already in trouble, so i'll compound it" kind of thing. Now, thank God, i haven't actually DONE anything worthy of further chastisement. But the thought was there, the whole defeatist kind of "whatever; i don't care" attitude.
And i'm really stymied by it, because yesterday went so well. i felt good about my mental state, my Sir seemed pleased with me, i was happy. This morning i woke up and i just felt off, disconnected, in a fog, really. My morning coffee didn't help, so it isn't a caffeine thing; my breakfast toast didn't fix it, so it isn't a low-blood-sugar issue; a nice hot shower didn't perk me up. And yet i failed to complete a task given by my Sir (which is why i know i'm in trouble). It was not a particularly onerous task, either, so why i wasn't able to follow through on it is so frustrating. i did admit my failure up front - no hiding it for later - and i'm not afraid that i'll be beaten or anything terrible like that.
i'd really love to have a Do-over button -- just press it and rewind the day so i have another shot at getting it right, you know?
And for any readers out there, your comments are welcome. They can even be anonymous. Just be respectful of any other opinions expressed. Thank you.
Miss Trixie67, ... I have been reading your blog for a while and must say that the "flogging" intro was most appealing to me however, forgive me if I may but it seems to me there is a deep internal struggle within you, perhaps it is in your nature, Literally, meaning we have all heard of the flight or fight conundrum, well perhaps you beat yourself up too much ha ha pun intended lol, ok so regard yourself as a survivalist whom must lick her wounds "the day after" and yes when on the weekend I go get drunk i too feel groggy and not much up to par right well just think about this for a moment your drunk isnt so much with the consumption of wine and spirits but much rather when the spirit of wining consumes you lol, pun pun pun lol but remember this is your mental and emotional play that which raises your endorphin level and creates a high or dunk for you, so that on the next day your natural response is to take the necessary time to heal and recover thus quite literally the natural selection of primal order is to take care of oneself persevere through whichever means available your creating a cycle effect of ups and downs and so it would seem there is a reactive responsive lifestyle at play the key may be to "balance" which pleases you with just the right touch of what you fight against and as you grow in your play expand those horizons gradually but always remember get drunk and be merry above all else if you stop having the fun then what's the point, relax have fun enjoy then rest up and expand your mind for the next run, I hope this has helped in some way... best regards, A fellow of long
ReplyDelete