Second Verse, Same as the First

--- frank sexual discussion ----


Sir liked my postings this past week, with my given theme, so He has assigned me another week, using the prompt to be the perfect submissive slut for Sir, I would......

i'm in SO much trouble.  How am i supposed to come up with 500 words every day on what is essentially "shut up and stop arguing"??

Here goes....

To be the perfect submissive slut for Sir, i would be more cognizant of my attitude. Sir often chastises me for a poor attitude, when often i'm not even aware i'm showing a poor attitude. Honest. i admit i can be defensive, even with Sir, if i feel like i'm being unfairly or unduly criticized, and i'm quick to step in and argue my side of things. i like to be right, and i like to be acknowledged as right. But often, when Sir says i'm "showing attitude", i'm not even aware of it; in my mind, all i'm doing is explaining my side.

Take yesterday, for example - Sir sent me a text message telling me to call Him during my lunch hour at work and talk to Him while fingering His property. And then i was told to take a photo of His pussy and send it to Him, immediately. And i did. But when i left work and called Him, He asked if i'd not gotten His order. i felt He was insinuating that i'd ignored a command, and i jumped right in to defend myself. i want so badly to be thought of as obedient, that i'll risk His displeasure by arguing rather than have any lingering doubt about whether i have done as i was told. 

Also during the same conversation, as Sir's pussy was sloppy-wet and was being denied the pleasure of a climax - and let me tell you, being in that state makes it difficult to concentrate on anything else - Sir kept asking me who owned me, and what that means to me, and why do i want that .... He was seeking specific answers which i'm convinced He knew i did not want to give, and so He kept hammering away until i snapped out the words He wanted to hear, but i know they came out snippy. And i wasn't trying to be defiant; i was defeated, and angry about being defeated, and the fact that i had verbalized them at all made me feel weak, frankly. It was not a deliberate attempt to be defiant, or dismissive, or to push the boundaries or anything like that. It's just the way i react when i feel i've been beaten.   

i will say, however, that my contrariness shows the most when Sir brings up one or two sore subjects. There are issues i still have, issues i don't want to deal with and things i don't want to do. And i resent being pushed or coerced or manipulated or backed into a corner. i am trying to process my issues, to work through them, to come to terms and find some measure of peace about them. That doesn't mean
i'm going to end this journey, or that i don't want to keep exploring submission. It simply means i am not ready for some things, and i need more time. And it could be that i'll never be able to accept certain things; i can't believe that every sub has the exact same boundaries - or lack of boundaries. 

But i suppose that my reasons, explanations and justifications are beside the point; i can lay out all my arguments, and still it boils down to this -  Sir would rather have a sub who does not talk back or leap to her own defense at the slightest provocation. And part of my journey to become a "perfect submissive slut" will have to involve shutting my mouth, recognizing when i'm being defensive, working on biting my tongue until i reach the point where i no longer automatically argue my own defense. And that's what it is - an automatic reflex. So that's the first answer to this week's theme.