A Time-out for a Thought or Two

--- frank sexual discussion ---


So sometimes, i need a break ..... or not even a break but some reassurance. Some quality time, some attention and affection. Just sometimes, you know?

i am doing my best to acclimate to a more-than-part-time submissive lifestyle, and at times it overwhelms me. Like, when do i get to have my own thoughts and opinions? At what point do i have a say in what i do or don't do? And how intense is this, anyway? Does it last 24/7/365, or is there down time in between sessions?

Sir tries to help me figure it out, He really does ... but a long-distance relationship isn't easy in the best of circumstances, and some of this is still so new, i just don't see my path clearly at times, and i flounder and screw up in my uncertainty. Sometimes, dammit, i want my hand held. Sometimes i want to be feisty and outspoken. Sometimes i want more equal footing. But just sometimes.

Usually i crave the structure and discipline and routine of submission, and most of the time, it calms the raw edges and smooths over my jangled nerves. It's just finding the balance, the place where i can be Sir's sub and yet still be myself, still feel like i'm living to my truest self. And i realize it's a process. i do. i just didn't realize how much of my will would have to be bent and subdued and made quiet. It's tough, sometimes. But i cling to the promise that in the end, when i've finally married the need to be uniquely myself with the need to be dominated, when both sides of me are living in harmony, it will be worth the struggle.