A Timeout for a Thought or Two, Part 2 :)

--- frank  discussion ---


So it's been mentioned to me that perhaps I ought to share some of my recent thoughts, especially as they relate to this journey I've undertaken, this path to discovering grace in submission, strength in obedience, power in service.

And it is definitely a journey for me. I cannot say I've arrived at the end of the path - hell, I have a long way to go! But I do think I am making progress, growing closer to my goal, becoming more willingly, more completely submissive. 

I believe that I argue less, that I am less apt to immediately say NO to certain suggestions. For example, I would never ever in a million years have said that there was any way on Earth that even the slightest discomfort could possibly be arousing. And yet I find that being bitten, or having my nipple tweaked, or even a sharp spank or two makes my juices flow. I am looking forward to being flogged, now, and while I'm still nervous about being caned - as I think there's much potential for that to become a full-on thrashing - I am willing to experience it, with my Sir whom I trust. 

I know, too, that I am not yet fully immersed in the lifestyle, by which I mean, I am not yet ready to be completely submissive on a 24/7 basis. And there are many factors at play in that, but as long as I know I'm not yet ready, then I have a target to shoot for, and that's how I know I have much, much more learning and growing and discovering to do. The daily tasks that Sir has assigned me - my nightly devotion, my morning wearing of the Smartballs (and I have discovered that I kind of like them), even the writing of this blog, are designed to help me spend more time focusing on my choice, training me to follow commands, even when I find them inconvenient or puzzling. And of course, my collar is an ever-present reminder, a visible, tangible token of my status. I see it in the bathroom mirror, I feel it when I shift and move, and when I have to adjust the clasp or untangle my hair from the chain. 

And some things are still hard for me. And some things will continue to be, for a while yet. But as I said, I do believe I am growing closer to being truly submissive, and I'm still on the journey, still wanting to learn and grow and be, and still working to merge the diverse sides of me into a cohesive soul.