Lists

Lists are deceptive. No, really. We ascribe such power to a few words scratched on a memo pad or an old envelope. And what do we use them for? 

-- Memory joggers. Here's where the grocery list comes into play, or the list of errands to run. We don't believe we can adequately remember what we want/need on our own, so we use these handy notes to remind us. 

-- Time schedules/prioritizing. What's on the agenda? What needs to be done? And in what order?

-- Must-dos. These are the chores/goals to get through today; anything left unchecked (or, if you're like me, not scribbled through) is a sign of failure. Even grocery lists can cause this. How many times have we felt guilty about picking up an item not on our list, or even worse, forgetting to put an item on the list to begin with, and still feeling like we failed when we didn't purchase it?

Since when did a simple list become a key point in self-flagellation? 

My Master says I must create a list for a different purpose - one which details the things I do now, at his behest, things I didn't do before he told me to.

Hmm. It's not really as easy as it sounds, since many of those directives have become so integrated into my routine. But I'll give it a shot.

-- Wardrobe changes. Master decided he'd rather I wore only white cotton panties, and white cotton camisoles. I have not worn a bra in a month or more, and that is definitely something I would not have done, and would not do, had he not insisted. 

--   Collar. I now wear a silver necklace gifted to me by my Master. It is the outward, visible sign of my submission and his mastery. I wear it constantly, even in the shower, while sleeping, underneath other jewelry if i'm so inclined. But I always wear it.

-- Positions. I have mentioned in several of my posts about the positions I assume at my Master's direction. I can think of no reason why I would assume these particular positions for any other reason except that it pleases my Master to do so.

-- Smart Balls. I bought these because Master told me to, and for several weeks I wore them for 4 hours daily, as training. More recently, Master has reduced this to once weekly, still for 4 hours each time. I am to send him a text telling him I am on task each week.

-- Devotion. Again, I have referenced how I repeat these 7 stanzas each night before sleeping in many of my posts. And again, there would be no reason for me to do so except that Master expects it of me. But more and more it has become that I say this for myself, as well, as a way to reaffirm my role and my value to myself.

-- Ink. I have acquired 2 tattoos at Master's request. The first is a circular tattoo, where the phrases "your wish is my command" and "for your pleasure" encircle the word "submissive." Master came up with the basic design, with the wording, with the placement. Even 2 years later, I think of it as HIS tattoo. The second tattoo is more recent (like, a month ago!) and says, in pretty script, "Master's whore." Less than 6 months ago I would not have even considered scribing those words on my skin. That I now have, is proof of my progress in my journey toward submission, and my acceptance of my developing role. 

-- Anal plugs/beads. Using these for training or sexual play is strictly and 100% Master's choice. I  don't like them. At all. Enough said.

So yes, there's my list. There may be more, actually, things that don't immediately come to mind. But this is a pretty good list, anyway.