Friday, December 4, 2015

Sing, Ho, for the life of a bear! - Or, I wish I were Winnie the Pooh

This is an adult blog, containing graphic and detailed descriptions of sexual situations and BDSM themes. Read at your own risk.


Seriously - Winnie the Pooh is awesome!! All he does is eat, sleep, say silly things, eat, get himself into troublesome situations, eat some more - and Christopher Robin loves him anyway.

So really, being Pooh would be great.  :)

Hmm ... looking back on what I've just written, it occurs to me that I have more in common with good old Pooh than I thought. And not just because we're both squishy in the middle.

Just today, for example, Master and I were in a Skype session, and I thought it was going rather well. I logged in on time, had my plug inserted per Master's request, had my cuffs on, things were rocking and rolling. Aaaannndd, then my big mouth ran away with me and I got into trouble. Which I then compounded by arguing with him. Say silly things, get into trouble ......

Even several states away and through a computer screen, Master scares me sometimes.

And yes, he put me through some uncomfortable things to assert his authority, and he was not happy with me. I felt rather like a child who'd been told to go stand in the corner. You know, that guilty feeling, that embarrassment? Yeah, that. And I deserved it, to be sure, I'm not saying I didn't.  The kicker of it is, he'd told me to watch my mouth on several prior occasions, and I'd had to be punished for it just this past summer. So why in hell did I not remember all those lessons, and shoot my mouth off and interrupt him? It drives him absolutely crazy, I know it does. I certainly know better than to be rude, so why was I?

I find that submitting to Master sexually is far easier, and far more enjoyable, to be honest, than submitting in other areas of my life. I don't always WANT to not wear panties on Thursdays, but that is his wish. I don't always WANT to track my food and water intake, but that's his wish. I don't necessarily WANT to train each week by deep-throating a dildo, nor do I WANT to spend 3 days a week with an anal plug in place; but those are his wishes. And I don't WANT to sit there all quiet and demure while he's lecturing me or outlining his expectations for yet another task or whatever the case may be.

I find, since I feel so comfortable with him, that I treat him like anyone else, an equal, someone I don't mind interrupting because we're that close. And I forget, in those moments, that we are NOT equals. This dynamic is a power exchange. I have agreed to surrender control to him, and he has agreed to responsibly exercise that control in order to carefully mold me into his idea of a perfect submissive. He's told me many, many times - "Bent, not broken." But the bending process can hurt, both mentally and physically, and sometimes it scares me.  Most of the time, the majority of the time, I believe, I do comply with his dictates. But I am human, and prone to error; I am not always secure, which leads me to read more into his statements than what's really there; I have a need to be right, which causes me to argue for my cause even before I know exactly what I'm arguing about.

Winnie the Pooh may have a simpler life, but I think I am happier with my own after all, even in the times when I'm smarting from (yet another) lesson.


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