Melancholy

This is an adult blog, containing graphic and detailed descriptions of sexual situations and BDSM themes. Read at your own risk.  


So Master arranged for us to have some quality time a few weeks ago - and I almost blew it. I mean, like, majorly. He'd trussed me in some ropes and inserted an anal hook - only the second time we'd used it, so it was new, and I was tied so tightly I could hardly move. And when he ordered me to suck him, well, I had a hell of a time trying to comply. When I bent over, the hook felt like it was trying to come out through my spine.  I just could not find a way to reach without pain, and after a few minutes I lost my mind. 

Looking back, I feel silly, and stupid, and horribly embarrassed by how badly I reacted. It was a major, major breach of behavior. I can't stand to think of it.

And now, 3 weeks past my meltdown, I don't feel like I've recovered. Or at least, I'm not confident in my ability to submit completely. Master and I haven't really discussed it so I'm not sure of his position, either, and uncertainty always makes me unsettled.

At this point, I can think of other ways I could have - or should have - handled my issue. If a similar situation ever occurs, I hope I've learned enough to be rational about it, instead of flying off the handle.

At Master's behest I have ordered a new implement. More on that when it arrives.