And that is the crux of it, isn't it? That Master said so. And even though I've come quite a ways on this journey of mine, toward becoming and being His perfect submissive, there are still things I struggle with, still things I have trouble accommodating, things I can't yet wrap my head around.
Take, for example, one of our recent sessions -
Master told me to retrieve all of my dildos/vibrators. I have three, only: Jack, my jackrabbit-style vibrator, which I've mentioned before; a glass vibrator; and a small, purse-sized purple vibrator. I keep it in my purse at Master's command; as He told me, I never know when He might decide to send me into the restroom, even at work, to play for a few minutes.
When I brought them back to the bed, He commented about the tiny purple one being tucked away in my handbag, and I admit, I just looked at him all wide-eyed and confused.
"But you told me to," I said, as if it were the most obvious thing, ever. I mean, really - He told me to buy it, so I did. He told me to keep it in my bag, so I do. Simple.
"And so I did," He said. "Good girl." And that was that.
When I climbed back up on the bed, He looked at me and said, simply, "Position 4." I rolled to my hands and knees, facing the foot of the bed so that He had a clear view, and lowered my front half to the mattress. Once my shoulders were flat on the bed, my face turned to the side and pressed into the mattress, I tucked my hands behind me, grasping my ass cheeks and parting them so that He could see His pussy, exposed for His view.
And then I waited. And waited. My neck grew stiff, then began to ache, from its twisted, odd position, and my right shoulder, where the majority of my upper body weight was resting, began to protest. I shifted a little, hoping to ease the ache, but it didn't help much. I made a little whine of discomfort in my throat, and Master picked up on it.
"What's wrong, Kitten?" He asked. But I did not want to appear weak, or unwilling, and really, it hadn't been more than a handful of minutes, so I merely said, "Nothing is wrong, Master; I'm sorry."
That seemed to satisfy Him, as He went back to silently contemplating me. I shifted, again, but made no sound. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, willing myself to relax and be patient. I am not a patient person, ordinarily, and I am convinced that Master puts me through my paces (at least in part) to try and instill a bit of that virtue in me. So I breathed, and tried to ignore my aching neck muscles, and was quiet.
"That's enough, now," He said to me. "Lie on your back."
I rolled over and shifted until I was comfortable, my head to the foot of the bed, my knees parted and drawn up, again, so He could see His pussy clearly. And this is where my mental struggles began.
He picked up the glass dildo and slowly inserted it into His pussy. I shivered, and my breath caught, because it was cold; not like an ice cube, of course, but still cold enough to make me shiver a little. He noticed, of course, so I told Him what I was feeling. He merely smiled and began thrusting the dildo, fucking His pussy slowly, until I was juicy. I could hear the wet, sucking sounds His pussy made as the dildo slid in and out, and I admit, once it warmed up and became slick, it felt really good to me. I moaned, softly, and He asked me,
"Hmm? Does that feel good, Kitten?"
I could only nod, and whisper, "Yes, Master."
He gave the dildo a few more pumps, then pulled it free of my body. I whined a little, but honestly, I kind of expected it. He then picked up Jack, and began working it inside me, giving it shallow little thrusts, coating it more and more with my juices, then sliding it inside all the way. I moaned, again, and lifted my hips up to accept it. God, it just felt so good. And then, of course, he changed the game.
"We're going to try something new," he said. I couldn't help it - that set off warning bells in my head. He picked up the glass dildo again, and told me he was going to use both of them - BOTH OF THEM. Umm, hello! There isn't that much room in there! Remember those mental struggles I mentioned? Here they are, rearing up, all ugly and panicked. My breathing picked up as my body tensed.
"No, no - relax, Kitten," he said. "We'll go slow. There's no need to rush."
I tried, really, and breathed in deep. Finally I felt my body ease back into the bed. I closed my eyes and nodded.
Jack was already inside me, of course, and I felt the bed dip as Master shifted. Then I felt the cool of the glass dildo nudging at my pussy opening. I shifted my knees apart as I felt the tip of the dildo start to press inside me. Wow, OK, that's a stretch ... no, really, I could feel my flesh stretching, trying to accommodate the huge mass of both toys. It stretched, it burned, and then there was a flare of pain. I cried out with it, startled and hurting, and Master eased off a bit. I panted, waiting out the discomfort, willing myself to relax because I knew that being tense wouldn't work.
Master allowed me several moments to compose myself, and then he started working on pressing both toys in deeper. He used short, shallow thrusts, gently, trying not to hurt me, but my God, the stretching sensation was bordering on painful, and I whimpered. He soothed me, talked to me, told me I was doing well and to focus on his voice, and I worked on steadying my breaths and relaxing as much as I could. It helped, really, and he got them both in a bit more. But that was as far as they could go; it felt like they got stuck, then, and his gentle rocking thrusts were really hurting me. I moaned, then and not because it felt good, and tossed my head to the side, biting my lip.
And I wasn't having fun with this, at all, and in my head I was spitting nails and railing at Master for this ridiculous attempt, and why the hell was I doing this, again, because it fucking hurt. And then Master pushed once again, and it honest-to-God felt like one of the dildos snagged against my inner walls, because it dragged, and rubbed and burned and HURT, and I bucked up and cried out, loudly, and said, "No more! I can't, it hurts, I can't, no more."
Master went still, then, and all I could hear was my sniffling, as I blinked back tears. And then he spoke, softly, but with a hard edge to his tone.
"Who owns you? Who does this body belong to?"
Ah, shit. I'd really put my foot in it now. I wasn't trying to be disobedient or insolent, I was just reacting from the pain. But I was in trouble anyway. Damn, damn, damn! So I sniffled, again, and in a tiny voice I answered, "You do, Master."
"That's right, I do; and I can do whatever I want with my property, isn't that right?"
Fuck.
I closed my eyes and swallowed. "Yes, Master."
There was silence for several long, long moments. I lay there, eyes still closed, just breathing, waiting for his judgment. Then I felt his fingers touch my breast (which had been ignored until now). He played with the nipple, teasing it until it stood, stiff and taut, and then sharply pinched it. Ouch! I bucked and squealed, and he pinched it again, sharply, and I moaned, and a tear leaked from under my closed eyelid. Fuck, that hurt.
"You are mine," he said. "I own you, all of you, and I will do with you as I wish."
I knew he was right. I had long ago given all of myself to him, and well he knew it. I knew, also, that he would never, never actually harm me, so I just nodded, then, and whispered, "Yes."
"You've been doing so well," he said then. "Work with me, don't fight me, don't get in your own way." I nodded again. He adjusted his grip on both Jack and the glass dildo, and began working them again. To be fair, he was being gentle, and patient, but by this point, I was pretty dry, to be honest, and the push-and-tug was so, so painful. I whimpered and whined and squeezed my eyes shut, and tried to open up for him, but it was so very hard. My breathing picked up, and I tossed my head and tried to breathe through the discomfort.
"Good girl, " he said. "Good girl."
I nodded, again, and a tiny smile quirked my lips. "Thank you, Master," I said.
And then, he decided that was enough. He eased the toys back, then pulled the glass one free. I felt it go, felt the stretch of my opening as it passed through, and my hips rose involuntarily as I groaned. Ow, ow. Jack was next, pulled free, and again, I whined as the pull seemed to aggravate the soreness I felt.
"What's wrong, Kitten?" he asked. Oh, he called me Kitten. He's forgiven me. I'm glad, so glad.
"It's just sore, Master," I said. "That's all."
"Aw," he said. "That's just terrible." He was teasing, of course, and I was glad to hear it. But I played along, feeling much better now.
"Mm-hmm," I agreed.
"Let's see if we can make it less terrible," he said, and that was all the warning I got before two of his fingers plunged deep into my pussy. I arched up and moaned, because yes, I was sore, damn it! And then I had the dichotomy of wanting his fingers, wanting more of their delicious sliding, and wanting him to get those thick digits out of there, already, because the soreness was growing, too, and I couldn't decide which I wanted more. But then he bowed his head, and his mouth fastened on my clit, lashing it with his tongue and sucking it between his lips, and I arched up strongly and moaned, but not because of pain this time.
He held me there, poised on the edge, until the lines between pleasure and pain had blurred, and I wasn't aware of anything but his hot, wet mouth, and his firm relentless fingers, and the wildly burning knot of desire coiled in my belly. I was moaning almost continuously, I could hear myself but I couldn't stop. And then he pulled my swollen nub between his teeth and gently bit down, and that was the end. My pussy clenched down on his fingers like a vise, arresting their movement as my climax broke over me. I heard myself shriek as I came, flooding over his fingers and dripping down his wrist, my muscles tensing, my body shaking, and stars burst behind my closed eyelids.
At last, though, the intense waves passed, and I collapsed on the bed, panting harshly, my heart just hammering in my chest. I relaxed enough that Master could remove his fingers, but I hissed sharply at the burn that caused, and then I became aware of the deep inner soreness in my pussy. Ugh, it felt raw, abraded, almost. I rolled to my side and curled into a ball, curling into Master's chest. He knew what I wanted, and he indulged me; his arm draped over my waist while his hand stroked my back, up, down, slowly, soothingly, the warmth of his palm feeling so good against my skin. I love when he does that.
Master lifted his hand from my back and gently tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. I tilted my head back and opened my eyes to meet his gaze. I smiled.
"Are you all right, Kitten?" he asked. Oh, yes, I am more than all right.
"I am well, Master; thank you," I replied.
"For ... ?" he prompted.
"For training me, and being patient, and keeping me on track, and allowing your slut to cum for you," I said.
He smiled, then; my answer probably surprised him, but I could tell he was pleased. A bubble of happiness welled up in my chest. Despite the soreness between my legs, and the issues I seem to still have with totally surrendering (though I have been working on that), I was exactly where I wanted to be.
